Create More Loving Relationships

Are you concerned about falling into the same rut with your spouse or partner?  Frustrated by arguing about silly things again and again? Not sure if this is the right person for you because you have tried to make it better and you can’t?

Being in a loving relationship can improve the quality of your life but, when you struggle to connect with your loved one, it can be very painful. It is hard to unplug from destructive patterns that keep you stuck.  Almost all of us have had the experience of being emotionally reactive to our spouse or partner in a way that is out of proportion to the issue. You feel crazy because you know that it is coming from something other than just our loved one. You may ask yourself, how can I love this person and be so angry, shut down or controlling? You may not be able to manage your reactions despite knowing it is not totally their fault. At other times, you may think it is their fault but cannot understand how to make it stop. You can’t control them and nothing you’ve tried has worked.  It becomes exhausting and hopeless. 

Most issues in relationships stem from past hurts that impact our ability to emotionally connect. We perceive the other person’s behavior as intolerable and we trigger one another into reactive responses. Sometimes we pick a partner who is not safe or trustworthy hoping they will change.  

Transform the Way You Relate

In therapy, we can start to identify destructive cycles that you and your partner may be experiencing. For example, one person may often be a deep Worrier while the other is a Free Spirit, a dynamic that in its extremes may cause imbalance and relationship stress. Other common patterns include:

Aggressive - Withdraw

Irresponsible - Over-functioning

Pursuer - Distancer

Victim - Rescuer

These patterns can keep spinning and get more entrenched unless you take action to stop them. Identifying and reprocessing their origins can stop destructive cycles. Retraining your responses helps you make new choices for lasting transformation.

I am trained in EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), an evidence-based approach, that helps couples step out of the negative cycle and reconnect with each other.  Emotional connection is the greatest determinant of marital stability and it can be learned...even if we were not shown how to do it when we were young.  

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is another approach we can use to help you break old habits and respond differently. EMDR is another evidence-based therapy that was first used to help people heal from trauma. Today, it's also found to be effective for couples because it is an efficient way to address destructive patterns that arise from being triggered by your partner.   

The goal of couples therapy is for both partners to get their needs met and have a roadmap for how to repair when there are ruptures in the relationship.  

Connect With Me

If you would like to get started creating a more loving relationship today, please contact me at 916-995-2034 or message me through my Contact Page (below) to set up a free 15 minute consultation.