Create More Loving Relationships

Are you concerned about falling into the same rut with your spouse or partner?  Frustrated by arguing about silly things again and again? Not sure if this is the right person for you because you have tried to make it better and you can’t?

Almost all of us have had the experience of being emotionally reactive to our spouse or partner in a way that is out of proportion to the issue. You feel crazy because you know that it is coming from something other than just our loved one. You may ask yourself, how can I love this person and be so angry, shut down or controlling? You may not  be able to manage your reactions despite knowing it is not totally their fault. At other times, you may think it is their fault but cannot understand how to make it stop. You can’t control them and nothing you’ve tried  has worked.  It becomes exhausting and hopeless. 

Most issues in relationships stem from past hurts or trauma. We perceive the other person’s behavior as intolerable and we trigger one another because we are acting out unresolved issues. Sometimes we pick a partner who is not safe or trustworthy hoping they will change.

Transform the Way You Relate

In therapy, we can start to identify destructive cycles that you and your partner may be falling into. For example, one person may often be a deep Worrier while the other is a Free Spirit, a dynamic that in its extremes may cause imbalance and relationship stress. Other common patterns include:

Aggressive - Withdraw

Irresponsible - Over-functioning

Pursuer - Distancer

Victim - Rescuer

These patterns can keep spinning and get more entrenched unless you take action to stop them. Identifying and reprocessing their origins can stop destructive cycles. Retraining the brain helps you make new choices for lasting transformation.

An approach called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is one of several techniques we can use to help you break old habits and respond differently. EMDR is an evidence-based therapy that was first used to help people heal from trauma. Today, it's also found to be effective for couples because it is an efficient way to address destructive patterns that arise from being triggered by your partner.   

Connect With Me

If you would like to get started creating a more loving relationship today, please contact me at 916-995-2034 or message me through my Contact Page (below) to set up a free 15 minute consultation.